Clarabella Speaks.

"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves" - Shakespeare

Monday, 13 October 2014

Inner Mongolilol

People say traveling broadens your horizons; it enriches your life and it opens your eyes to the ways of new and fascinating cultures. If you are feeling lost and you want to find yourself, you should travel. So that's what I did. Last week I went to Inner Mongolia, and I found myself. I found myself in a freezing cold wooden hut, peeing into a hole in the ground while chickens roamed around outside and I thought, 'WT actual F'.

Life in China is an experience to say the least, but traveling in the country is just a whole new kettle of surreal and ridiculous fish. Where else can you see Russia, yurts, log cabins, horses and pictures of semi-naked foreign girls from the one spot? Where else can you watch violent action movies on a bus that is driving on 'roads' that are still being built? And where else would you willingly get in a taxi to the middle of nowhere with a driver who you cannot communicate with?

Incidentally it is also the only place that I would venture out in leggings, a woolly coat, trainers and a fluorescent blue and yellow Nike rucksack all at the same time. Needless to say such a fetching combination did nothing to tone down my blonde haired, blue eyed Ying-guo-ren-look, and all da boyz came running. Literally. I was just sat in Shiwei, minding my own business waiting for the bus when a car pulled up, a man got out and went over to his guy palz who, obviously, pointed at me and started laughing. Next thing I know this middle-aged Mongolian/Chinese dude is invading my personal space with his arms around me and touching my face while all his friends get snap-happy with their cameras. After a cry for help, Emma got roped in too, and 5 minutes and several requests later (#popular) the bus came and saved us. Unfortunately not everyone had satisfied their white girl curiosity and some moron behind me on the bus was lucky I was quite simply not ballsy enough to turn around and punch him (feisty one I am), firstly for continuously and not so sneakily peeping his head round the side of my chair and staring at me, and then for sleeping with his hands precariously placed above my head so that every time we went over a bump (i.e about 5 times a minute) he 'accidentally' whacked me.

Thankfully though, I didn't end up in jail and I could enjoy the rest of the trip. That did, however, involve eating deep fried kidney so I do wonder if jail food would have been preferable. Either way, I saw some fabulous grasslands, got in an army tanker (SO COOL), increased my 'selfie with a chinese person' tally quite substantially and just generally survived, which let's face it is no mean feat in this crazy country. Go to Inner Mongolia, you might just find yourself peeing with some chickens.

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